My Foot Bone's Connected To...

Either your ass bone, or my mouth bone (jaw?).

Anyway, this entry starts what I think I'll call April's Quest For a Mode of Transportation, or Aqfamot. I like that, Aqfamot.

So, here it is, Aqfamot:Day One.

It isn't quite day one. Day one would either be a) the day we moved here, b) the day I received my g1, or c) Sunday, when the secondary car at the house was totalled. For story purposes, I'm going to go with Sunday.

Here's what happened:

Sunday: Might-as-well-be-mother-in-law flips car while trying to avoid a plow on the way to church. Bye-bye car.

Monday: Neighbors offer might-as-well-be-mother-in-law (baby-daddy-mama?) old station wagon free of charge. Mother-in-law offers it to us.

Tuesday: Wagon doesn't start. Charge Wagon.

Wednesday: Neighbor gets wagon started, drives wagon to us. Tow picks up wagon for inspection. Inspection says don't waist your money.

Wednesday afternoon: Car-less. Again.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't super excited about the 1997 Ford Escort Wagon, roll down windows, tape deck, and all the other wonderful features (namely, key-less remote entry, and that's about it). I really was quite excited. In the 30-seconds that it was in my possession, I adjusted the seats, mirrors, and programmed the radio. I was quite happy.

But I think this is a good thing. It's made me realize that I would be content without all the options that cars come with today, like heated seats, and sun/moon roofs, 6 CD/MP3/DVD/PS3 hook ups (I may have watched one too many episodes of Pimp My Ride). Hopefully this realization will help me to save money on my first drivable car.

Realistically, I just want to be able to leave the house without a chaperon (not the hat), preferably comfortably, and maybe have some music to listen to on the way, and I will totally buy cassettes if I have to. I may even still have a copy of the Offspring laying around. Retro's cool anyway, right? -sigh-

That being said, there's a comment on a post (2 posts ago I believe) from someone I don't know, in a language I wasn't sure of (let's hear it for Babel Fish), and I want to say thanks for taking the time to read my stuff.

I don't really know how this blog thing works. Generally, I don't read other people's blogs, though I have recently discovered that I can browse random blogs simply by pushing a button. I have several notebooks from high school with random rants and scribbles by me, and I guess I sort of thought of my blog as a notebook, that if someone wanted to, could read. Like a non-private diary of sorts.

Perhaps, while I'm not working on Aqfamot, I will explore the wondrous world of the blogger.

In the mean time, thanks for reading.

It's Raining, It's Snowing, The Old Man Is - Wait, That's Not How That Song Goes.

It's been raining/snowing/slushing for the last 3 days, possibly longer, but I can't think that far back. Right now, it's a nice fluffly snow that causes momentary white outs.

I think the cats are hungry.

Now there are fed.

And the dog is being obnoxious.

I love pets. Personally I have 2 cats, but the household total consists of 3 cats and a rather large dog.

I used to have fish. Janice has my fish tank. Fish are great, and apparently owning fish relieves stress (until they start eating each other).

I can't really think of anything else to write, so I'll leave this here.

Dandelion Fluff and Other Forms of Precipitation.

I got a new microphone. AND a recording program.

This Sunday marks the beginning of what should prove to be an interesting attempt of me, making digital recordings of, well... me.

I promised some music probably about a half-a-dozen entries ago, but I finally have the means to do it. Now all I need is quiet.

Looking forward, because the outlooks seems entertaining.

Day 4...

Alright, so as my last post explains, I've made some resolutions for the year. Here is my update.

Today, I woke up at 6:30, instead of my usual 9-something. I emptied the dishwasher, had some breakfast, and completed 2 french lessons. After that, I fought with my computer over not letting me continue my french lessons because the program I am using (Rosetta Stone) is registered on another computer. I managed to squeeze in about a half an hour of "Fit" time, which resulted in me straining some muscles after attempting some crazy yoga pose in which I become a pretzel.

I also stripped the Christmas tree of it's decorations, and put in some driving time. After that, I don't think I did much of anything, other than discovering that Baileys and hot chocolate mix well together. I guess I did some cleaning too.

Yesterday, however, I did design an interesting plan for storage under the stairs.

I live in a basement, which has it's pros and cons.

Pros:
I have a woodburning stove in my bedroom.
I have a roof over my head.
I have access to a washer and dryer in the next room.
It's unfinished(ish), so I can pretty much do with it as I please.

Cons:
My bedroom has 3 walls, which makes for interesting climate control issues with my significant other, who likes it to be five hundred million degrees, while I like it to be just above zero.

I'm the kind of person who likes to pile blankets on top of themselves so that they have about the thickness of a good-sized pillow, which is probably why I like it to be so cold, it's the only way to sleep under a mountain of blankets and not die of heat frustrations. More ofter than not, my feet will be sticking out from the blankets in a desperate attempt to lower my body temperature.

The other thing is that because there are only 3 walls, it feels like there is a lack of privacy, even if no one ever dares to venture down the stairs into what will soon be much less of a mess.

I hear Iron Man. I really dislike that song. And football.

Anyway, I'm fighting with myself to stay awake, so I'm off.

New.

New year, new decade, new beginnings?

One can only hope.

I did something this year that I've never really done before. I made new year resolutions. Why? Mostly because I'm tired of being a fat-ass. The rest of my reasons range from needing to get my life in order, to the need to find myself, and from boredom to an excuse to play my new Wii Fit. The Fit thing is kind of interesting, because I don't actually have a Nintendo Wii, however there is one in the house. I'm actually surprised that there aren't currently 4 Nintendo Wii's in the house, seeing as everyone in the household had someone else in mind to buy one for over the Christmas season.

I'm rambling again. Yay! That means I've got my groove back.

Resolutions:

1) Stop being a fat-ass. (My goal is to lose 40 pounds by 2011. Gotta look good for the end of the world in 2012).

2) Get in shape. Not only do I feel like a fat-ass, but I'm as weak and unbalanced (says Wii) as a person can be. Wii tells me I'm 34 (I'm 25). I plan to work on my posture, my ability to lift things, my ability to not trip on myself, and my ability to stand up straight without losing my balance (which is a surprisingly difficult thing to do).

3) Learn to speak French (fluently). I get so frustrated when dealing with customer service representatives who don't speak either of our national languages. I figure since my English is exactly wonderful either, the only way for me to not be a giant hypocrite, is to speak both of our languages with some mediocredy. *Note: for some reason, spell check told me I had to capitalize English, but not French?

4) Stop being a fat-ass. Wait. I covered that. Fine. I'll stop being a slob.

5) Stop taking escalators/elevators when stairs are a viable option (granted, I won't be taking the stairs if it will take me more than 10 minutes to do so).

6) Make some damn music.

7) Get educated, not just in french.

8) Get a car. I cannot keep relying on other people to get around. And for those of you who don't know, the TTC is no longer a viable option for me.

9) Get out of the basement. This means to be on my feet enough to be able to support myself in a non-government funded way.

10) This I think is my most personal resolution. I'm going to be trying my best to be less of a bitch. For those of you who know me, know that this is going to be a huge change for me, and I'm sure it will get very ugly. For those of you who don't know me, well, I was going to say something half-wittedly mean, but then I wouldn't be off to a very good start. However, you should note that the sarcasm is staying. I just wouldn't be me without it.

Everyone I've spoken to about resolutions so far seem to have some sort of anti-fat resolution in mind for themselves, and I wish us all the best.

Happy New Year everyone. Here's to many, many more.

I Have No Idea What Chapter This Is, But Here I Go Anyway - The Multi-topic Edition

I was reading the Toronto Star online this morning, and a couple different articles caught my attention.

Article #1: 7 Gifts to Ruin Christmas.

My first response was, short of swine flu, or some other virus or disease, or other horrible *insert whatever here* a gift should not ruin Christmas.

As a mother, I feel like Christmas is about the children, so to read an article on what not to get your guy for Christmas, I was somewhat unimpressed. Then the obvious occurred to me, I wasn't always a mother. I haven't even been a mother for very long, a certainly not everyone else is a parent either, and those non-parents celebrate Christmas too.

As someones significant other, I completely agree that there are gifts that just kind of put you off for the holidays, especially when it slaps you in the face that this person you've vowed to spend the rest of your life with, doesn't know you at all. However, it doesn't help if the question "what do you want for Christmas?" arises, and you respond with;

a) I don't know.
b) Nothing.
c) Something completely out of the question/price range.

So in the spirit of Christmas, here is my "What Not To Get Your Spouse" list.

Let's pretend I'm your s/o.

-Anything practical. When you're in love with someone, a gift should be personal, not practical, I don't want socks, and if you're going to get me underwear, there had better be an ulterior motive behind it.

-Anything electronic. This brings me back to the personal thing. Anyone can pick out an MP3 player. If you really want to impress me, and I really want an MP3 player (which I don't) fill it with all of my favorites, plus a few songs I've never heard of that you know I will love. Emphasis on the know. I don't want a TV, even if it is 50 inches with high-def, and I really like movies, this isn't a Christmas thing, this is a lets do it together thing. So lets just say, no electronics, unless I specifically said I want one (or it vibrates).

-Perfume. Unless I have a favorite brand, don't assume I'll like a scent.

-Clothes that don't fit. If you don't know my size, too big or too small will upset me. You're gift will either imply that I'm fat, or prove that I'm fat. You don't want to go there.

-Anything edible. Yes I love chocolate, specifically Ferrero Rocher, and yes I will eat it, and yes I will enjoy it, and I'll love you for it. But my New Years Resolution probably has something to with dieting and/or eating healthy/exercising etc... and the temptation is not helping.

-Anything (insert metal/gem here, in my particular case, gold). Know your spouses preference before walking out of a jewelery store. No woman wants to tell you she doesn't like that $400 necklace *just* because of the colour, because she really wants to like it, and she appreciates the effort, but she also doesn't want to feel like you replaced thought with cash value and took the easy way out. But she does want that one piece of jewelery she just doesn't want to take off, not just because you gave it to her (which will always be good enough), but because she truly loves it.

I guess the moral of the story is, be 100% sure of yourself. Don't get something you think she will like because it caught your eye, know your woman.


Article #2: TTC Traumatic with 2 kids, stroller and lots of stairs.

My response to the title was relief. "Yay, somebody gets it".

The article refers to the wondrous torture of trying to navigate the TTC with kid and a stroller, obviously, but also TTC policy not to help passengers lift things (strollers included) onto the bus, passengers not offering seats, and people generally being more concerned with themselves than to aiding other people who are struggling with the task of taking public transit.

My need to write about this revolves more around the comments I've read on the article.

Argument 1) Don't take your kids on the TTC during rush hour.

Umm... when else are people supposed to drop their kids off/pick the up from daycare or their other means of childcare. I don't know about most other people but I would drop my kids off on my way to work, and pick them up on my way home. Generally, this would be rush hour.

Argument 2) Take an umbrella stroller instead of a stroller that takes up the same amount of room as 4 paying passengers.

Agreed. Except infants cannot ride in umbrella strollers, and this usually results in the child getting whacked in the face with someones backpack/purse/laptop/shopping bag.

Argument 3) Always have a car available if you have kids, even if this means someone has to take the TTC to work.

Ha ha ha ha... not all of us can drive, for many reasons. Some people are not medically able to drive, some people are not good drivers, and the vast majority of us non-drivers simply can not afford a car and pay Toronto prices on car insurance.

Argument 4) The write has enough money, she could have taken a cab.

...
Lets say for the sake of argument that you know this for a fact, and that it's not an incredibly stupid thing to say. Why should she have to shell out the $40-something it would cost round trip downtown just because she can, when the rest of us can do it for $6? That's just a stupid thing to expect.

Now that that is out of the way, try finding a cab driver that will take the time to let you install 2 child car seats, properly, and not charge you for the time it takes to do it. Putting a child into a cab without a seat is a risk. Think about it, when was the last time you took a taxi, and they followed all the rules of the road?

These, I found, we're the most common comments.

I agree that having your perfectly-abled 6 year old in a travel-system stroller because it allows you to bring the child's entire bedroom with you to be a little absurd, especially on the bus. But I felt the need to point out the fact that not all parents who are on the bus with a stroller are doing it to inconvenience everybody else, hell, everybody else isn't even feeling inconvenienced. But some of us, like you, are just doing what they need to get by in life. Just as not all passengers on the bus are soured enough by the facts of life to lash out at parents of other people. Unhappy with your life? Lash out at your own parents, they are, in fact the ones who gave you life anyway.

Odd Things That I've Learned Over The Years and Other Useless Ramblings.

1. See my first few entries for detailed instructions on removing Vaseline from your hair.
2. The easiest way to microwave Mr. Noodles, is in a measuring cup.
3. Horsefly bites often resemble baseballs, and can lead to emergency room trips.
4. The worst way to pick up a woman, is to imagine her as a man.
5. It is impossible to keep your eyes open when you sneeze.
6. Walls and boxes make excellent amplification systems.
7. Chinchillas masturbate.


I've learned that the most direct way to my heart is through the arts. Music, cartoon, poems, etc...

I've learned that I'm too tired to finish this post.