L is for Passion.

I was sitting here, playing guitar, and I spontaneously got the urge to write about things, a lot of things. Things I probably shouldn't think about, let alone write about.

As I may or may not stated, several times, I'm a neurotic, nostalgic, passionate hypocrite.

Though my neurosis may be self diagnosed, I assure you, it is there, and often displays itself in bouts of hysteria. I am over emotional, to the point where commercials make me cry, and my frustrations often leave me feeling like there's a foam bat following me around, hitting me in the head, continuously. I can see it vividly in my thoughts, it's a bright read bat, with a black handle that sort of looks like it may be wrapped in electrical tape (the handle, not the bat), the cartoon is Archie-like in style, and I'm a super-hot red head with great ass *sigh*.

My nostalgia is mostly based on feeling, where as I probably wouldn't repeat much of the crazy shit I've done that has gotten me to where I am today, though I would love to re-visit some of the intense feelings that have made me who I am. Actually making it home after getting caught at the zoo in a tornado, great feeling. The tornado part, not so much.

When I find myself passionate towards something, or someone, it often leaves me feeling (and acting) bat-shit crazy (I wasn't sure what made bat shit crazy, so I googled the term, and found references to t-shirts and Tom Cruise, still not sure where the term comes from, but it definitely means beyond crazy). Perhaps this is where my neurosis comes into play, I'm totally the type of person to return to a place I haven't been in years, just to see if the air still "breathes" the same. My passions often disguise themselves as obsessions, so if I'm stalking you, be flattered.

As for me being a hypocrite, I believe at some point in our lives we all are hypocrites. However, with every passing day I find that I am picking up traits that I despise in other people. For example: I'm emo-blogging. Everything sucks. There. I said it.

Not everything sucks. A lot of things suck, like my inability to divide myself into two people so that I can be in two places at once, or in one place at the same time, which sounds kind of kinky, if you ask me. I think too much about things I can't change, and neglect the things I should be doing. In my head (I still appear as a red-head), when time runs out, everything just starts over again, only I'll know what to change (I experience a lot of déjà vu to support this delusion).

All in all, I've completely forgotten what it was I wanted to write about, so enjoy my self-abusive rant, and if I remember what it was, I just might write about it another time. I think I'll buy some hair dye this weekend.

Cheers.

Here's The Thing.

I don't do well when I feel trapped, but then really, who does?

There's a lack of cars here. I needed to get antibiotics for my daughter this morning, and had to rely on a good neighbor to be willing to make the 20 minute trip (and that's just one way).

In reality, I have no one to blame but myself for my increasing stress. I'm the one that didn't feel like I needed a liscence until the day I actually needed one. I'm the one who chose to be a stay at home momm, making it harder for me to re-enter the workforce when I need to, not that it matters because I couldn't get to work anyway.

The basement we live in sort of flooded. I think that was probably my fault too.

Anyway, still working on that car thing.

I have no patience today, so I'm gonna stop here.

My Foot Bone's Connected To...

Either your ass bone, or my mouth bone (jaw?).

Anyway, this entry starts what I think I'll call April's Quest For a Mode of Transportation, or Aqfamot. I like that, Aqfamot.

So, here it is, Aqfamot:Day One.

It isn't quite day one. Day one would either be a) the day we moved here, b) the day I received my g1, or c) Sunday, when the secondary car at the house was totalled. For story purposes, I'm going to go with Sunday.

Here's what happened:

Sunday: Might-as-well-be-mother-in-law flips car while trying to avoid a plow on the way to church. Bye-bye car.

Monday: Neighbors offer might-as-well-be-mother-in-law (baby-daddy-mama?) old station wagon free of charge. Mother-in-law offers it to us.

Tuesday: Wagon doesn't start. Charge Wagon.

Wednesday: Neighbor gets wagon started, drives wagon to us. Tow picks up wagon for inspection. Inspection says don't waist your money.

Wednesday afternoon: Car-less. Again.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't super excited about the 1997 Ford Escort Wagon, roll down windows, tape deck, and all the other wonderful features (namely, key-less remote entry, and that's about it). I really was quite excited. In the 30-seconds that it was in my possession, I adjusted the seats, mirrors, and programmed the radio. I was quite happy.

But I think this is a good thing. It's made me realize that I would be content without all the options that cars come with today, like heated seats, and sun/moon roofs, 6 CD/MP3/DVD/PS3 hook ups (I may have watched one too many episodes of Pimp My Ride). Hopefully this realization will help me to save money on my first drivable car.

Realistically, I just want to be able to leave the house without a chaperon (not the hat), preferably comfortably, and maybe have some music to listen to on the way, and I will totally buy cassettes if I have to. I may even still have a copy of the Offspring laying around. Retro's cool anyway, right? -sigh-

That being said, there's a comment on a post (2 posts ago I believe) from someone I don't know, in a language I wasn't sure of (let's hear it for Babel Fish), and I want to say thanks for taking the time to read my stuff.

I don't really know how this blog thing works. Generally, I don't read other people's blogs, though I have recently discovered that I can browse random blogs simply by pushing a button. I have several notebooks from high school with random rants and scribbles by me, and I guess I sort of thought of my blog as a notebook, that if someone wanted to, could read. Like a non-private diary of sorts.

Perhaps, while I'm not working on Aqfamot, I will explore the wondrous world of the blogger.

In the mean time, thanks for reading.

It's Raining, It's Snowing, The Old Man Is - Wait, That's Not How That Song Goes.

It's been raining/snowing/slushing for the last 3 days, possibly longer, but I can't think that far back. Right now, it's a nice fluffly snow that causes momentary white outs.

I think the cats are hungry.

Now there are fed.

And the dog is being obnoxious.

I love pets. Personally I have 2 cats, but the household total consists of 3 cats and a rather large dog.

I used to have fish. Janice has my fish tank. Fish are great, and apparently owning fish relieves stress (until they start eating each other).

I can't really think of anything else to write, so I'll leave this here.

Dandelion Fluff and Other Forms of Precipitation.

I got a new microphone. AND a recording program.

This Sunday marks the beginning of what should prove to be an interesting attempt of me, making digital recordings of, well... me.

I promised some music probably about a half-a-dozen entries ago, but I finally have the means to do it. Now all I need is quiet.

Looking forward, because the outlooks seems entertaining.

Day 4...

Alright, so as my last post explains, I've made some resolutions for the year. Here is my update.

Today, I woke up at 6:30, instead of my usual 9-something. I emptied the dishwasher, had some breakfast, and completed 2 french lessons. After that, I fought with my computer over not letting me continue my french lessons because the program I am using (Rosetta Stone) is registered on another computer. I managed to squeeze in about a half an hour of "Fit" time, which resulted in me straining some muscles after attempting some crazy yoga pose in which I become a pretzel.

I also stripped the Christmas tree of it's decorations, and put in some driving time. After that, I don't think I did much of anything, other than discovering that Baileys and hot chocolate mix well together. I guess I did some cleaning too.

Yesterday, however, I did design an interesting plan for storage under the stairs.

I live in a basement, which has it's pros and cons.

Pros:
I have a woodburning stove in my bedroom.
I have a roof over my head.
I have access to a washer and dryer in the next room.
It's unfinished(ish), so I can pretty much do with it as I please.

Cons:
My bedroom has 3 walls, which makes for interesting climate control issues with my significant other, who likes it to be five hundred million degrees, while I like it to be just above zero.

I'm the kind of person who likes to pile blankets on top of themselves so that they have about the thickness of a good-sized pillow, which is probably why I like it to be so cold, it's the only way to sleep under a mountain of blankets and not die of heat frustrations. More ofter than not, my feet will be sticking out from the blankets in a desperate attempt to lower my body temperature.

The other thing is that because there are only 3 walls, it feels like there is a lack of privacy, even if no one ever dares to venture down the stairs into what will soon be much less of a mess.

I hear Iron Man. I really dislike that song. And football.

Anyway, I'm fighting with myself to stay awake, so I'm off.

New.

New year, new decade, new beginnings?

One can only hope.

I did something this year that I've never really done before. I made new year resolutions. Why? Mostly because I'm tired of being a fat-ass. The rest of my reasons range from needing to get my life in order, to the need to find myself, and from boredom to an excuse to play my new Wii Fit. The Fit thing is kind of interesting, because I don't actually have a Nintendo Wii, however there is one in the house. I'm actually surprised that there aren't currently 4 Nintendo Wii's in the house, seeing as everyone in the household had someone else in mind to buy one for over the Christmas season.

I'm rambling again. Yay! That means I've got my groove back.

Resolutions:

1) Stop being a fat-ass. (My goal is to lose 40 pounds by 2011. Gotta look good for the end of the world in 2012).

2) Get in shape. Not only do I feel like a fat-ass, but I'm as weak and unbalanced (says Wii) as a person can be. Wii tells me I'm 34 (I'm 25). I plan to work on my posture, my ability to lift things, my ability to not trip on myself, and my ability to stand up straight without losing my balance (which is a surprisingly difficult thing to do).

3) Learn to speak French (fluently). I get so frustrated when dealing with customer service representatives who don't speak either of our national languages. I figure since my English is exactly wonderful either, the only way for me to not be a giant hypocrite, is to speak both of our languages with some mediocredy. *Note: for some reason, spell check told me I had to capitalize English, but not French?

4) Stop being a fat-ass. Wait. I covered that. Fine. I'll stop being a slob.

5) Stop taking escalators/elevators when stairs are a viable option (granted, I won't be taking the stairs if it will take me more than 10 minutes to do so).

6) Make some damn music.

7) Get educated, not just in french.

8) Get a car. I cannot keep relying on other people to get around. And for those of you who don't know, the TTC is no longer a viable option for me.

9) Get out of the basement. This means to be on my feet enough to be able to support myself in a non-government funded way.

10) This I think is my most personal resolution. I'm going to be trying my best to be less of a bitch. For those of you who know me, know that this is going to be a huge change for me, and I'm sure it will get very ugly. For those of you who don't know me, well, I was going to say something half-wittedly mean, but then I wouldn't be off to a very good start. However, you should note that the sarcasm is staying. I just wouldn't be me without it.

Everyone I've spoken to about resolutions so far seem to have some sort of anti-fat resolution in mind for themselves, and I wish us all the best.

Happy New Year everyone. Here's to many, many more.